What's New in Old News?
The official newsletter of the Peripatetic Historian. December 2022, Vol. 2, no. 7.
Ho, Ho, Ho!
Welcome to the holiday issue of What’s New in Old News?
This month features my annual gift-giving guide (“What to buy the historian in your life!”), my year-end roundup of the top 22 historical events of 2022 (“Twenty-two for Twenty-two”), and a forward-gazing listicle (“Ten buses you might miss in 2023!”).
But I jest.
You will undoubtedly get all of that and more in your regular media, so let us skip the well-trodden way to focus on some truly gripping features.
This Month:
The thrilling tale of Albert Beck
Comet Madness update
Dispatches from Qumran and Jordan in the Peripatetic Blog
Seasonal exhortations, felicitations, and well-wishings.
Let’s get started…
Diamond Dick Outsmarts Burglar
Sixteen year old boy’s reading helps him get the drop on a criminal
A cold Chicago evening, three days after Christmas, 1908. Albert Beck, a sixteen year old messenger for the A. D. T. Company had just slid into bed. His mother snored softly in the next room of the apartment. Outside, a bone-frosting wind blew off Lake Michigan, rattling the panes in Beck’s window. A long day behind him, another ahead—Albert hoped for a quiet night.
He fell asleep.
Unfortunately, he was not to enjoy the uninterrupted sleep of a tired teenager. At 2:00 a.m., Albert woke to an unusual sound. He listened to stealthy footsteps, saw a large figure crossing his bedroom. “He was about twice as big as I am and a full grown strong man,” said Albert later.
The intruder spotted the boy laying in the bed. He walked over and stared down at Albert, who pretended to be asleep. Satisfied, the burglar turned to search the bedroom for valuables.
Albert considered his options. “I thought I would have a hard time taking him red-handed and single-handed without any gun or knife...He was probably armed to the teeth, and would put up a desperate battle.”
What to do?
Fortunately, Albert was an avid reader of the Diamond Dick Weekly, a rag-paper detective magazine that ran from from 1896 to 1911. From the time Albert sounded out his first words he had followed the adventures of the intrepid Richard Wade (Diamond Dick) and his son Bertie as they pursued criminals across the American West. Obviously, if Albert were to thwart the intruder, he would require a stratagem worthy of Diamond Dick.
Albert pushed his voice into its lowest register and broke the silence: “Aha., you’ve got into the wrong place this time,” he snarled. “It’s all up with you. I’m a police officer and I’ve got you where I want you. Don’t you move or you’re a dead one.”
The boy clambered out of bed, clunking his feet heavily on the floor, like a hefty policeman standing up. The burglar froze, his back to the boy.”
“Hands up there,” said Albert. “Hands up and don’t move a muscle or I will fill you with lead.”
As Albert later explained, he pointed his thumb and finger at the burglar. In the darkened room the thief was deceived. He raised his hands.
Two policemen were superior to one, so Albert decided to introduce a partner. “Cap,” he called, raising his voice as if speaking to someone in the next room, “Hand me that forty-four Colt and that pair of handcuffs and jump into your clothes. We’ve got a little job here to look after.”
The trick was working splendidly. Albert’s only worry was that his mother might awaken and spoil the illusion. “I was afraid that she would scream and butt in,” he explained later.
Speed was essential. “Now you, Mr. Burglar,” said Albert. “You turn around to the wall and keep your hands up till I dress.”
The burglar complied. He faced the wall, hands trembling as he held them aloft. Albert skinned into trousers and a shirt. “Now, Mr. Burglar,” he growled with vocal cords badly strained by the charade, “we’re going to the station now and it all depends on your actions whether you get there alive or so dead your mother wouldn’t know you.”
The pair passed through the apartment, the burglar in the lead. He swung open the front door, and they descended the stairs. Albert grabbed a wooden stave from a broken barrel as they emerged on the street. “Don’t shoot him, Cap,” he said. “I’ve got my billy [club] now and that’s generally all I need. March on, Mr. Burglar.”
The improbable trio—the housebreaker, a sixteen year old boy, and the invisible Cap—moved down the street. Albert intended to march his prisoner right through the front door of the Twenty-Second Street Police Station, but within a block, they met a real police officer who took charge of the burglar.
George Wall, the intruder, was stunned when he realized that he had been gulled by an unarmed teenager. He believed that he had chosen the wrong house and bumbled into a police setup, a misconception that was not dispelled until he saw his captor under the electric lights of the police station. He had been completely fooled.
Wall was sentenced to a six month jail term. Albert Beck had his story printed on the front page of the Chicago Tribune. His elders predicted a bright future for the young man, who had managed to exploit the sagacity that is the natural possession of a committed Diamond Dick reader.
Comet Madness Update
Last summer, as you regular readers will recall, I turned in my final check of the Comet Madness copy edits and the book headed for the printers. Since then I have learned that book time moves at half the speed of regular time. The weeks crawl slowly past. I am extremely eager to see the book in the stores, but it feels as if February 15 will never arrive. It’s a feeling I remember from childhood, a young boy’s anticipation of the arrival of Christmas.
When next we meet, in the new year, I will have some information about public lectures, in case you want to learn more about the book virtually.
The Latest From the Peripatetic Blog
This month saw us visit the arid hills of Qumran—source of the Dead Sea Scrolls—and then depart for a week-long trip through Jordan. Catch up with these exciting adventures by clicking this handy link to the blog main page, or click a link to an individual episode below:
Recent Blog Posts
PeriBlog XV: Whither the Dead Sea Scrolls? A visit to Qumran, on the edge of the Dead Sea.
PeriBlog XVI: Into the Great Silence. Our “Journey through Jordan” begins with a visit to Wadi Rum, home of Lawrence of Arabia and Star Wars.
PeriBlog XVII: Uncovering Petra. Proceeding north, we spend two happy days exploring Petra, the ancient capital of the mysterious Nabataeans.
Closing Thoughts
And with that, the curtain falls on this month’s newsletter, the final entry for 2022. It has been an extraordinary year for me—embarking on a new career and moving nearly halfway around the world. I hope that 2022 was good to you as well. Thanks for reading, have a wonderful holiday season, and I will see you back here in 2023.
Be safe, be sensible,